What is a Woman?

A Brief Look at Womanhood from a Psychological, Biological, and Biblical View

This post was written by Laura B. and we are so excited for you all to read it!

In today’s culture, that question, what is a woman, is not only offensive, but also nearly

unanswerable. What is it that truly defines a woman? Is it her biological makeup (chromosomes,

genitalia, the shape of the pelvic girdle, etc.) or her attitude? The way that she dresses and styles

her hair or her role in society? Is it only one or all of these things that defines a woman? Or is it

something else entirely?

“What is it that truly defines a woman?”

If this question goes unanswered, how can we truly live out our vocation as women when we do not even know what it really means? Thankfully, there is an answer to this question, one provided to us from the Bible.

“Then the Lord God said, ‘it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’” (Genesis 2:18).

“She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong” (Proverbs 31:17).

“God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns” (Psalm 46:5).

These are just a few verses on what it means to be a woman. Womanhood is a God-ordained role and duty that cannot be taken away. No matter what the world thinks. It is more than how we present ourselves and act, but it is a part of who we are physically and psychologically as well. Male and female were not created to be interchangeable. God created each so that they might fulfill certain duties and roles and that they might work together to be caretakers of the rest of God’s creation.

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27).

This verse specifically states that God created male and female, not humans, or people in general, but male and female. Two connected yet separate entities. No matter how hard they try, man cannot become woman, nor can woman become man, just as a cat cannot become a dog.

In this age of transgenderism, feminism, and the entire LGBTQ+ movement, it is easy to

see how the world has moved away from the original intent of men and women as ordained by

God himself. Our society has lost what it truly means to be a woman. Many of the people around

us think that being female is a choice that can be made and changed at will. But that is not how it

was intended to work, nor is that truly possible. Clinicians today use the terms sex and gender as

two different things. Sex is used when referring to the physical attributes of a person as

designated at or before birth, whereas gender is used to refer to the socially constructed roles and

internal sense of being of a person. Scientists and doctors have been trying to find new and

improved ways of changing a person’s sex to match their chosen gender. Medical interventions

such as hormone replacement therapy and surgical procedures are used to attempt to change a

person’s appearance and biological makeup to better match their chosen gender. But even those

can only go so far to reverse God’s work, and in some cases these attempts are an almost perfect

reversal of God’s ordered creation. The first ever complete female-to-male facial masculinization

surgery performed by Jordan C. Deschamps-Braly used a new surgical technique that created the

appearance of an Adam’s apple by using cartilage from a rib, the very bone that God took from

Adam, the first man, to create the first woman, Eve (Deschamps-Braly et al., 2016). Of all 206

bones in the human body, the type that they chose was the rib, a perfect and ironically poetical

reversal of God’s creation. Such an action could not be simply a coincidence, but could very

easily be God Himself trying to highlight the ludicracy of these attempts to undo what He has

done.

Beyond the physicality of the women, there is also the psychological aspect of them as

well. God created women to be the nurturers and caregivers of His creation. While that is not to

say that men cannot be caregivers or nurturing, but women are more inclined to it, just as men

are more inclined to take upon roles of providing and protecting (Proverbs 30:10-31, Titus 2:5,

Richard, 2023). An article published in August of 2023 states that men make up nearly 18% of

stay-at-home parents in America (O’Connell-Domenech, 2023). The article talks about how

America is progressing and the gap between men and women as caretakers is shrinking. And yet

that gap is still there. Even now, with all the perversion and changes to God’s ordained order,

women are still following the basic instinct to care for those around them.

“So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander” (1 Timothy 5:14).

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27)

Two entities, both created in God’s glorious image.

Our sinful nature can make it seem restricting or binding to have to be one or the other as God

has ordained. But it also gives a sense of purpose and meaning in a drifting and changing world.

God has made us to be women. When creating you he decided that the world needed another

woman. Another creature made in His image to adorn herself in His glory and proudly take upon

the role of Biblical womanhood. The gender that God gave to us is not a restricting box, but a

beautiful guide of what our place in the world is.

So what is a woman? Is it the biology that builds her? Is it the psychological pathways

that run her? Or is it the Biblical path that leads her? It is all of that and more. A woman is a

glittering jewel in the crown of God’s creation. She is the gentle hand by which God nurtures His

people. She is the beautiful vessel by which God brings new human life into the world. So stand

tall in your womanhood and be proud in the role that God has given to you.

Sources:

Deschamps-Braly, J.C., Sacher, C.L., Fick, J., Ousterhout, D.K. (2016) First female-to-male

facial confirmation surgery with descrption of a new procedure for masculinization of the

thyroid cartilage (Adam’s Apple). Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery Journal.

https://deschamps-braly.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/First_Female_to_Male_Facial

_Confirmation_Surgery_with_Masculinization_of_Thyroid_Cartilage_Adams_Apple.pdf

O’Connell-Domenech, A. (2023, August) Nearly 1 in 5 stay-at-home parents in the U.S. are

dads. Changing America.

https://thehill.com/changing-america/enrichment/arts-culture/4136440-stay-at

-home-parents-dads/#:~:text=In%202021%2C%20data%20from%20those,accor

ding%20to%20a%20Pew%20spokesperson.

Richard, A. Christ and the Church: A thirty-day devotion concerning the Holy Estate of

Marriage (2nd Edition). Independently published. 2023

The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by

Crossway Bibles.

Let us know what you think about this post below! What does it mean to be a woman to you?

Embracing Parenthood- A Journey of Purpose:

This CC Wife has chosen to remain anonymous. Let us know your thoughts on this post in the comments.

"If you include your babies, they might slow you down, but maybe that's the point.”

-Andi Eigenmann

In the fast-paced rhythm of modern life, it's easy to view parenthood as a detour from our ambitions or a speed bump on the road to personal achievements. Yet, perhaps there's a deeper truth to be found in the slowdown that children bring into our lives—a truth rooted in purpose and divine intention.

Scripture Reflection:

"Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them."

- Psalm 127:3-5a (NIV)

In these verses, we are reminded that children are not merely a biological phenomenon or a hindrance to our plans. They are a gift—an inheritance bestowed by God Himself. Like arrows fashioned by a skilled archer, children are entrusted to us to be nurtured, guided, and sent forth into the world with purpose.

"But Jesus called the children to him and said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.'"

- Luke 18:16 (NIV)

Jesus, in His teachings, emphasized the importance of children and their innate significance in the Kingdom of God. He saw them not as distractions but as bearers of profound spiritual truths and examples of faith and humility.

Finding Purpose in the Pace:

Parenthood challenges us to recalibrate our priorities and embrace a slower, more intentional pace of life. While it may seem that children slow us down in our pursuits, perhaps they are meant to redirect our focus to what truly matters—the nurturing of relationships, the cultivation of character, and the passing on of faith and values.

Scripture Reflection:

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."

- Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)

This verse underscores the importance of intentional parenting—of guiding our children along paths of righteousness and wisdom. It speaks to the enduring impact of our efforts, knowing that investing in our children's spiritual and moral upbringing yields eternal rewards.

Conclusion:

As we journey through parenthood, let us embrace the truth that children are not a hindrance to our progress but partners in our purpose. They challenge us to grow in patience, selflessness, and love—the very qualities that reflect God's heart for His children. May we find joy in the slowdown, knowing that in nurturing the next generation, we participate in God's divine plan for our families and communities.

Reflection: 

• In what ways can I integrate biblical teachings on parenthood (e.g., Psalm 127, Proverbs 22:6) into my daily interactions with my children?

• How do I currently view parenthood—as a hindrance to personal goals or as a meaningful part of my life journey?

• What are some specific ways in which my children have influenced my priorities and values?

• How does being part of a community of other parents (like CCW) support and enhance my journey as a parent?

• How can I cultivate gratitude for the gift of children in my life, even in challenging moments?

"Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward."

- Psalm 127:3 (NASB)

Closing Prayer:

"Heavenly Father, thank you for the gift of children and the purpose they bring into our lives. Help us to embrace parenthood with patience, wisdom, and love, reflecting Your heart for family and community. Guide us in raising our children according to Your will, nurturing them in faith and character. May Your presence be felt in our homes as we journey through the joys and challenges of parenting. In Jesus' name, Amen."

Levi Jacob Wilson’s Birth Story:

This post is written by a CC Wife! She has chosen to remain anonymous, but hopes it helps some of you ladies!

My husband and I prayed for a child and the call to becoming a mother was heavy on my heart. I was having some hormonal issues and ovarian cyst and after 9 months, we were blessed to become pregnant. At 4 weeks, I experienced some bleeding and went to the emergency room to be evaluated. To our immense relief and joy, the baby's heartbeat was present and healthy.

When I found out I was pregnant, I began my care with a traditional OB. I did initially get want a home birth but I was active duty Army and there were no providers in my area that offered home births. However, halfway into my second trimester, I felt led to transfer a Birth Center. The prenatal care provided there was exceptional; I felt genuinely cared for and supported. I chose a BC in hopes of having an all-natural, non-medicated birth.

Throughout my pregnancy and birth, I felt the presence of God Jesus Christ guiding and supporting me. My sister came to stay with me the last two weeks of my pregnancy she helped me nest, cleaned and prepared food. I’m so grateful for her help. I went into spontaneous labor and labor the night before my son’s due date. To help pass the time my sister and I went grocery shopping in Walmart and Aldi. I was having contractions in the aisle and was starting to get excited at the thought of meeting our son soon. I labored at home for two days before heading to the birth center, where I planned to deliver. Labor continued for an additional 22 hours at the center. Although I faced some challenges, such as interventions like a Foley bulb and having my midwife break my waters, I was grateful for the care I received. I labored to 7 cm, doing many circuits of spinning babies exercises as my son was not on my cervix and was OP. I tried the birth tub but it wasn’t as relaxing as I’d hoped it to be.

My doula's support was invaluable; she applied counter pressure for every contraction, easing the discomfort of back labor. We prayed and listened to worship music, which uplifted my spirit and reminded me of God's presence.

Despite my hopes for a natural birth, something didn’t feel right, and God was telling me I needed to transfer. My husband and I arrived at the hospital, and I noticed meconium staining, which added to my concern. However, the intensity of my contractions and my fear decreased upon arrival, a sign of God’s calming hand over us.

At the hospital, they monitored my contractions and recommended an epidural to help me rest and progress. After some time, they suggested Pitocin, but my contractions still did not intensify. Eventually, they recommended a C-section due to my fever and my baby's elevated heart rate. I was in the operating room 15 minutes later, and soon, I heard the first cries of my precious son. Due to the medications and exhaustion I fell asleep while they stitched me back up and my husband did skin to skin while waiting for me. I was so grateful when I woke and was in the recovery station. My son latched right away and nursed beautifully. Being able to breastfed was a prayer answered. 

Although the birth did not go as I had initially planned, I am deeply grateful for the presence of God Jesus Christ throughout the entire journey. His guidance, the support of my husband and doula, and the comfort of praise and worship music helped me through each step. The experience strengthened my faith and reminded me that sometimes, the path we envision may change, but God’s plan is always perfect. After a total of 86 hours in labor, I am blessed beyond measure with my beautiful son and the lessons learned through this journey. My husband and I are so happy the Lord chose us to be parents and we hope to have another child as soon as my body is healed and the Lord willing. My prayers for my next birth are to have a successful VBAC and possibly a home birth.

Verses that helped me through my pregnancy and delivery:

1. Isaiah 41:10:  

   "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

2. Psalm 139:13-14:  

   "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

3. Philippians 4:13:  

   "I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

4. Jeremiah 29:11:  

   "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

5. Psalm 46:1:  

   "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

6. Matthew 11:28:  

   "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

7. Romans 8:28:  

   "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

8. Psalm 23:4:  

   "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

9. 1 Peter 5:7:  

   "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Embracing Biblical Womanhood:

This article is written by CC Wife Mia Cruz. Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!

Embracing your biblical femininity is one of those hot topics our culture is so against that is fully driven to today's “feminist movement.” So before we get into what biblical femininity is, we have to remember that in the Christian realm, it is God’s will to ensure that women are treated in the way that God has always intended. For that to be achieved, it comes with balance. A partnership.

“Wives submit yourselves, unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord,

Husbands love your wives, and be not bitter against them” (Col. 3:18-19).

“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him”

(Gen. 2:18).

Men and women are different, we each have our own roles- (I’ve said this before in one of my college liberal classes, and it riled a lot of women up haha) and for our partnership to thrive we must place a foundation of trusting each other onto our roles. Now what is biblical femininity according to God’s word? It’s easy to pair it with something derogatory or something extreme but let's look at what Paul said; “Do not let your adorning be external- the braiding of hair and putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear- but let adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious for this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands” (1 Peter 3: 2-5). It’s all inside! The posture of our hearts is what’s important. You’re probably saying; “But Lord! I am nowhere near gentle and quiet” trust me I’m right there with you sister. But when we really study His word there are a lot of things we might miss. In this example both a gentle and a quiet spirit is something different. When you search up a gentle spirit it means; humility, meekness, compassion. Trusting God fully and being humble is what came up for having a quiet spirit. What do these 2 have in common? These are also Jesus’ qualities. And what does he want us to be? To be more like him! I know my mind is blown. It’s important to work with the qualities that are accessible within us through the Holy Spirit. God has made this design and has given us special gifts. Biblical femininity is to pour that into our relationships that he entrusted us with and to be God fearing.

God’s Word on Femininity:

• 1 Peter 3:4

• Philippians 4:8

• Proverbs 31

• Ephesians 5:1-2

• Proverbs 21:23

• Titus 2:5

• Philippians 2:3-4

Personal Testimony:

I want to share my story for this topic only because I want every woman who is reading this to know that this is a lifetime process. We’re all constantly changing by God’s grace. It took me a long time to submit to my husband and to fully trust him. I had fallen to today's culture in depending solely on myself and the lies that were told that all men are trash, don’t depend on any man and we don’t need them. That resulted in me having that masculine energy. It wasn’t until God himself humbled me and stripped me away of everything in return of building me up again to the woman that I am today. Tapping into your biblical femininity is a lot of work and it will have you self reflect and correct everything that you have learned subconsciously throughout your life. It’s all about breaking that generational cycle and being different from what the world deemed to be normal. Thank the Lord because through his grace and compassion everything is possible.

“God is a competent Father. He can handle any problem you give him. Nothing is
beyond his ability or his resources. No request is too big or too small. ”

— (Ephesians 3:20 NIV).

Introduction to CCW:

Hey ladies! We are so glad you joined us! Here is a little introduction into CCW and why we started it!

“The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian makes me a different kind of woman.”

— Elizabeth Elliott

Hey ladies! I am Isabel! I am writing this to give you an intro to our website and what we hope you get out of this website.

I have always had a desire to help other wives. While I have only been married for 3 years, the Lord has really been teaching me and shaping me more into His image. I have learned so much as a wife and I want to share it with others. I got married at 18 years old. While many consider that extremely young, I saw it as a blessing! I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend. Marriage has truly been a blessing and I would not change a thing. When I announced I was getting married, I got a lot of dirty looks and a lot of feedback from people who had no clue. It was extremely discouraging to me. While our families were supportive, it was still tough to deal with the negativity. I sought out every video and blog I could on young marriage, just trying to get some insight and answers. I wanted to make sure I was honoring the Lord with my decision, and not doing what my flesh wanted. After much prayer, I knew marriage was what the Lord wanted and so did my, now, husband.

---

After marriage, God began to shape me and mold me in more ways than I could imagine. I learned what sacrifice meant, I learned what it means to truly love, and I learned a lot about forgiveness. I am still learning, and God is still shaping me and molding me more into His image! I knew I wanted to help other wives who may had gone through similar struggles as I did and having someone to be a listening ear and offer prayer really helps. Sharing my story and things I have learned has always been in my heart.

I started up my own blog about 3 years ago called wife2wife.com. It got some traffic, but with working and being a homemaker, posting every week on my own became a chore. I still have it sitting in the corner in case I ever want to pick it back up. (I can’t make myself let it go just yet.)

“Encouraging wives to store up God’s Word in their hearts, to understand more of who He is, and to exemplify Christ in their daily lives.”

— Our Mission

Now, to the good part! CCW Facebook group was started in 2024, and it grew very fast. In other groups, I noticed that those groups were geared towards everyone. They had a mix of beliefs and ideas… and it easily became chaotic. Christian and Conservative Wives really stuck with me, and it has helped build a community of like-minded women. While we do not really get much into politics, most of us agree on the main things:

• Marriage is for a man and woman (like God designed)

• Babies are such a gift and blessing, and we are to treat them as such. (we do not agree with abortion)

• Encouraging wives take on the more traditional role of being at home, raising and teaching her children, and recognizing the husband has the head of the home.

Before you groan, we do NOT condemn any wife who works full-time or wants to work to help provide for her family. In today’s time, it is extremely hard to do make ends meet. However, you can still learn some things here and there that may help you manage your home better and love your husband to the fullest.

While we recognize the husband as the head of the home, we do not encourage abuse or women to stay in abusive marriages. We love you ladies are praying for wisdom and guidance if you are in that situation.

When ladies hear the word submit, they get offended immediately. Biblical submission is not what society says it is. We as Christians are called to respect our husbands, and they are called to LOVE us. Love and respect work together to make a beautiful marriage that glorifies the Lord.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Ephesians 5:31-33

Back to the point… as I get side tracked! After seeing the growth, I was in shock and I did not know why, but so many wives were flocking to this group! I knew that it had to be from the Lord, and it was a blessing to see. I began praying for these women, their families, and for guidance. Audrey joined me in being an Admin over the group not long after it took off. (Fun Fact: I met Audrey through CCW and we hang out a good bit!!) After seeing the growth, I knew I could not just let it be a Facebook group… these ladies needed more! They deserve it! We released some T-Shirts for merch to help us fund future content, and I thought no one would even purchase them. They were pricy and it just seemed to be a mess. I prayed about selling those shirts, and we sold just under our goal! WOW! God is good.

I discussed starting a blog with Audrey, and we wanted to offer this as a resource for you all. We wanted this to be a place where you can quickly get recipe ideas, homemaking tips, videos, read other CCW testimonies or stories, and so much more. I understand the frustration when it comes to searching for a recipe for dinner, and you have to scroll and scroll just to get to the recipe! I understand frustration in feeling like you are alone in your struggles, and guess what…you aren’t! We have had many CCW ladies reach out offering to tell their story or share their testimony. Many of these ladies have gone through infertility, anxiety, sinful situations, temptations, understanding submission, and the list goes on. God has brought these ladies out of the darkness and into the light. Many just want to offer their wisdom in any way they can! They want to share their story with you all. It is encouraging to have this community and I am so grateful for each and every one of you. God truly is amazing and I hope you enjoy this blog.

“ Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”

— Titus 2:3-5

For Those Struggling With Infertility:

NATALIE SHEDD

NOTE FROM CCW TEAM: For those struggling with infertility and why God does things the way He does, Natalie’s story is a wonderful read. You can truly see how the Lord had a plan for her. It is such a blessing to read and may be an encouragement to those who feel like God is not near, questioning Him, and even for those ladies who may be angry and bitter with God. He always has a plan and we need to remember to trust that. Natalie’s story is such a good read. Here is her journey…

Natalie Shedd

“Her journey with infertility, adoption, and how the Lord answered her prayers.”

To understand where God has walked me through, we need to start at the beginning. I must say, buckle up because it is a wild ride. 

  All of my life I knew I wanted to be a mom. I never had career goals or a dream job.. my dream job was to be a stay at home mom. Luckily, my now husband knew that. We have been together since 2013, and he knew that my dream was that. He worked very hard to make sure my dream would become a reality financially and made career choices to support that. We got married in 2017 at the ages of 20 and 21, we start trying RIGHT away. Well, cycle after cycle and negative after negative we sought out doctors finally. Unfortunately, I was diagnosed with PCOS and the doctor I had was not a kind man whatsoever. He told me to lose weight and have me pills and that was that. I was determined, I lost over 30 lbs- I took the pills- I did EVERYTHING... and nothing. I was lost, confused, and consumed. I couldn’t understand how a loving God would do this to ME. 

  I look back now and see a young, naive, little girl throwing a fit. I was consumed with my fertility, I did absolute everything. I tried EVERYTHING. In retrospect, I see my infertility and desire to have a child was turned into an Idol. I was not seeking God because I wholeheartedly loved Him and honored Him.. I wanted the blessing of a child. But I also see how each of these moments led me to Him. In 2019 we decided to take a break, and we ultimately moved away from home. That move was the best thing for me, and even our marriage. God placed wonderful people in our lives who spoke life into us, and I thank God everyday we made that move. I can see now that He knew what he was doing. 

  My husband always mentioned adoption, but when you’re going through infertility as a woman, it is REALLY hard to accept that as an option because you feel like your body is broken and it SHOULD be able to do what it was made to do. Adoption, to me, should never be a second choice or a last resort just because I want a baby. I knew it was a decision that I needed confirmation from God. I needed to be wholeheartedly at peace and knowing that the Lord is leading us down that road. 

One Sunday afternoon in 2021 while laying down to take a nap, I heard that still small voice… adopt. Okay God, I heard you. Let’s do this. We jumped head in, got our homestudy done and sought out potential birth mothers. We met with one, who turned around and ghosted us. Until one day in November we messaged with a mother who was interested. Woohoo, we felt that God was all over this!! In December, she told us it was a boy! We were elated. But we kept it quiet still. Waiting for her to officially ask us to adopt….

   In February of 2022, she reached out asking to meet in person. We lived 13 hours away but we were just so excited we didn’t even care, we would make the drive. We drove that long, long way.. sat a the Starbucks for over an hour.. and.. no show and no contact. We were angry, mad..and ultimately confused. I remember driving home, tears in our eyes and asking God, “is this your sign that we aren’t meant to have a family?” It had been heartbreak over heartbreak, we had also been burned by a birth mom previously. I also remember breaking out in hives because my anxiety was so high as well. 

  She eventually did contact me that night, but I was so upset I just told her she needed to truly think about her decision before she contacted me again. I didn’t want to play back and forth, I wanted her to have the space to make the decision that she felt was best for her baby. 

   I realized quickly that none of this is in my control. I had grown my relationship with God those past 4 years of infertility and really thought that I knew Gods plan-We just weren’t meant to have a family. Well, on a Tuesday in April I prayed, “God, I don’t know what you’re doing.. but I trust You.” Not ten seconds later I received a text from the birth mom asking to FaceTime me that day. I said yes. She asked us to adopt officially on that call, and she was due to be induced that Sunday. We jumped into action mode, bought the car seats and everything we would need and headed back down 13 hours that Saturday. She ended up going into labor a bit before midnight that Saturday so by Sunday morning I met the most precious little boy and had him in my arms. 

  We were able to spend time with his birth mom quite a bit, hear her story, and just offer kindness and gratitude to her. She was there alone, we were the only ones there. After a few days, we took that little boy back to our hotel and waited for paperwork to be signed. In the state of Texas, birth moms have to wait 72 hours to sign paperwork. So we waited, we spent time caring and loving that sweet baby, went and explored the city we were in with him, and waited some more..texting every day asking if she had signed the paperwork so we can head home and make that 13 hour drive with a newborn. It had been 9 days when she texted wanting her baby back. And I had no other choice but to take him back to his mom. My 4 year answered prayer, was stripped away.. painfully. 

“My 4 year answered prayer, was stripped away.. painfully.”

  Never in that experience was I ever mad at her. If I felt THAT much pain losing him, I cannot imagine how she was feeling. I spent May-July healing. I had lost my Grandpa in June, I was then diagnosed as clinically depressed and it just felt like the hits kept coming. I couldn’t catch my breath. I was so incredibly angry at the world, at God but I never left His presence. I maintained in constant prayer and conversation with him it felt like. Through that whole experience, we felt like God HAD called us to be parents. We knew adoption was off the table, our hearts were still SO broken, so we decided to try a new fertility doctor one. more. time. 

  Our new doctor had a plan and we were ready to go! She laid it all out there, she never ONCE said anything about me never being able to get pregnant like the multiple previous doctors did and she was confident. Great. Let’s do this. My first round quickly went downhill, and after multiple injections I was SEVERELY overstimulated on the medications. We had to cancel our cycle and take a break for my body and ovaries to go back to normal. I was devastated and confused. Once again. It seemed like a theme for me that year. 

  One afternoon I was struck with an immense amount of pain. I couldn’t walk or even talk through it and we knew an ER Visit was warranted. While there, they did a CT scan and found 7 plus ovarian cysts on each over but also..a tumor on my pancreas. What. The. Heck. Is actually going on with my life right now??? I was again.. confused and devastated.  

  After multiple visits and a biopsy, it was pre-cancerous and had to come out. I received a call from a doctor 3 hours away, which I thought was weird that far, but I just went with it. I had an an appointment that next week. Come to find out, this doctor sought ME out. He heard of my tumor from another doctor while in surgery, and because of the rarity, he sought ME. He also ended up being the BEST doctor for this job in a 500 mile radius. Ok God, I see you. 

 Surgery went well and was removed in the best case scenario leaving behind the least amount of damage to my organs. I see you again, God. After being discharged, I ended up with some intense pain that I truly thought was the end. Back to the emergency room. My blood vessels at the surgery site were about to rupture that would cause me to bleed out but it was like my body warned me with that pain to cause me to go in and get a CT.. again.. I see you, God. After that, recovery went well and in April we were finally cleared to start trying again. Our cycle started on the 1st birthday of the little boy we got to love on for 9 days. 

  This cycle started out looking like it wasn’t going to work. I was again, confused and devastated. I remember going on a walk and telling God, “I just need to know it’s going to be ok. You don’t even have to tell me personally, even if you tell my husband.” That same Sunday we went to church and our pastor randomly gets off topic and goes back to Joshua (also my husbands name) and just starts saying “be strong Joshua. Be courageous Joshua. The Lord will do what he’s promised, Joshua.” In the moment, I didn’t catch it. But on the way home from church my husband said, “when he started going off on a tangent and saying my name.. it felt like he was really talking to me.” I broke down in tears. I knew God was not only letting my husband know.. He was letting me know too. 

 Our next appointment things radically changed and my body responded perfectly. We were in the clear for our IUI. 2 weeks later.. the beautiful second line. I had never seen one before. We cried and praised God. My pregnancy was beautiful, uncomplicated and gentle. My labor however was not. I labored for 36 hours straight, but not a gradual labor.. I was having contractions 1 minute apart immediately. I finally had to get an epidural to rest. After that rest, I was ready to push. I pushed for 2.5 hours and finally my beautiful boy was here. But I didn’t get the moment I was hoping for. He was not breathing, there was no cry..I waited, and waited.. and finally God breathed life into him and his little body. He spent 4 days in the NICU and then we finally got to take our boy home. My heart still aches that I didn’t get the birth that I was hoping for, but I know God can redeem that as well. 

    My testimony is to bring Him the glory. To tell those who are hurting and in the waiting that He will do it. He still does miracles. I just keep thinking that every choice I have made, or any circumstance that has happened to us, led us here. We would have never found this tumor until it was too late and so big that they would be removing a lot more of my insides causing life long damages. Gods sovereignty is hard to see sometimes once you’re in the middle of it, but once you can look back and see all the choices you’ve made, the bad and good things that have happened to you.. you can’t deny that God has our days written down. He knows everything that must happen to save us. Even if it hurts in the moment, we know that He is Good and that He does have a plan for us. If I kept my eyes on the natural world, I would say that everything that has happened to me in the past 6 years is random. But turning my eyes to the supernatural, I see that everything is intentional and truly for MY good. This wasn’t random. Every step of how we got here.. saved my life. Even when it hurt. Nothing is ever wasted. 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

— Jeremiah‬ ‭29‬:‭11‬